Deep

It's not that deep

He said as he dug through me.

As if unfolding the lining in my stomach

Was not enough.

He smirked and licked his lips

I closed my eyes and anticipated

the damages he would do.

It's not that deep he said as he ate my insides 

he spreaded my thighs on his leopard printed sheets...

"I don't mix drinks", he said.

Me too I thought

I don't mix drinks

only anxiety and beliefs.

A cup of lust, a handful of prayer and a sprinkle of self doubt,

You Are A Woman, How Dare You?

You are a girl so
you must sit with your legs closed.
We do not want little boys to
go peering down your skirt
You are a girl so come inside
the house and watch your mother cook.
Watch how she scrubs off the
regrets off her gas stove.
Watch her morning and night,
how she washes off the
lies and secrets from her hair.
Watch how she carefully
fold her palms, day and night,
praying against the ghosts of everyone else’s past.

You are a woman so you must sit
but not for too long.
Your man will get hungry if you do.
He will need to be fed 3 times a day;
your body, your food and your soul.
You may talk but never about
being tired, being used or being free.
Don’t you know?
You were created only to be used
and discarded by men.

You are a woman so you should
Always make sure the man feels loved.
Feed him your life until you stop breathing.
Always praise his successes and never yours.
Gently stroke his ego until he forgets his failures.
Wrap yours up and hold them till your hands tremble.

Don’t you know you are a woman?
How dare you dream beyond men and babies?
How dare you dream of exploring?
Of endless possibilities and alternate universes?
How dare you breathe too loudly?
How dare you walk for too long?
How dare you work for too long?
How dare you put yourself before others?
Don’t you know you came to serve?
Just like your mother and her ancestors.

How dare you come back home liberated?
Have you forgotten the way to the kitchen?
Where are the keys we gave to you?
How dare you use them to unlock other doors?
Doors bigger than the ones we showed you.
How dare you?

"It's not that deep"

That one time someone told me it's not that deep and I absolutely lost my mind.

You say all black lives matter, they say all lives matter.
But it's not that deep.

You say stop using our culture to make profit.

You say because I am a female I should be ready to be married by 30?

You say depression is all in my mind? 

You say I should pray to God to forgive me my sins? What if I can't forgive myself for my sins?

You say I am not allowed to touch myself because it is bad but it's okay for a guy to touch me?

You say stop using "mentally  challenged" every time a white man shoots up a couple of people. 
They say it's not that deep.

You say lets talk about institutional racism and white privilege as irrational.

You say why are women told to "chill" when they talk about issues that makes them uncomfortable ?

You say are relationships overrated?

You say so what did they do to make up for slavery? 

What did they do after they went out on their ships and took over lands that were already inhabited? When will the present generation of white kids understand that their privilege is irrational ?

When will they learn that "not seeing colour" is part of the problem when the system only sees you as an option to tick. As a category to add to the company diversity check list. 

You say "I wonder if my white male friends think how their choice of dressing will affect the looks they get from old folks before they go out?"

You say "I am not a feminist but I believe every girl should have the same opportunity as a boy, no matter what country she was assigned to by birth".
 "I am not a feminist but..."
...stop selling women with your products.
...stop calling girls sluts for sleeping with numerous amounts of guys.
...stop praising guys for doing the same things girls are told not to do.
...stop calling me high when I question the meaning of life.

You say let me do what I want with my hair.
You say take your standards of beauty and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.
You say men cry and that is okay too.
You say stop hyper masculinity and the alienation of feminine men.
You say what is wrong with femininity anyways?
You say why am I not allowed to question that the earth is round? When you question if there is a God.
You say why are we told to live, love, pay bills & die?

To The Other Black Boys.

To the ones that do appreciate us. I see you. 

To the ones that constantly wave our flag, the ones that embrace us, 'attitude' or no 'attitude'.

To the King always polishing the throne for his Queen.

To the ones that refuse to give up on us, to raise our flags a tad higher because our arms are getting tired.

To the ones that respect our grind, to the ones that see us as more than sexual toys to play with when bored. 

To the ones that challenges us to do more.

To the ones that see our insecurities and our fears.

To the ones that stretches out their hands in the dark, searching for us like the light at the end of the tunnel.

To the ones holding us above the surface from drowning in a sea of lost hopes and broken dreams.

To the ones that is fixing a heart they did not break.To the ones that see the passion in our eyes.

To the ones that hear the melody in our voice when we are happy.To the ones that hear the fury in our voice when we are angry.

To the ones that wipe off our mothers' tears.

To the ones who come from a broken home yet have nothing but love and respect to give. I salute you. 

An Open Letter.

To all black boys.

Firstly, I am sorry.

I am sorry for opening my mouth in a room filled with your charismatic energy and saying "I don't like black boys because they just don't get me". 

I am sorry after looking at the glow in your eyes, the sharpness in your fades, the sparkle in your smiles, the different hues & shades in the room yet still opening my mouth to say "plus they are mostly liars and heartbreakers". (While the last one may resonate to many many girls, it is also a-actually most species of the male gender will lie to you and cheat on you at any chance they get because fuck monogamy- right?). Now that that is out of the way....let us continue.

Dear black boys, When your mamma or pappa keeps pushing you to go to higher education it is not because your name is one of the many things that they wish to add to their list of accomplishments.

Nor is it because they just love making life decisions for you. It is because they know that in a world constantly portraying black men as thieves, murderers and deadbeats. Just by punching in their stereotypes on their bourgeoisie' keyboards; an educated black man is like a weapon of destruction to their oppression and marginalisation, slowly disintegrating their racism one book at a time.

Dear black boys.When you tell your dark skinned girlfriend with her 4c natural hair that she should get it relaxed, just shh, please don't. Or when you tell your black girlfriend with relaxed hair that you hate her hair braided or you hate her weave and that she looks better with her relaxed hair or whatever your preferred option may be..our ancestors are rolling in their graves. Why? Because son whatever the black girl chooses to do with her hair is none of your damn business. Just because you share the same skin colour as her does not give you the right to dictate her hairstyle which by the way is already difficult to choose, thanks to patriarchal white supremacy and their-standard-of-beauty. Whenever you say this to a black girl, you are not just telling her "your opinion". What she hears is that whatever she does, she will not be good enough.

Dear black boys,(the ones who say they "don't date black girls because blah blah blah.."). You all need to apologise.I would say I understand why you "don't date black girls" but no. I do not.

Here is a list of reasons on why you need to apologise : When you say you don't date black girls because they are 'rude', 'proud', 'aggressive' or unlike the white girls / (insert any other race you think is better) they lack a sense of humour.Close your mouth, pick up a book or two, stretch your legs, go play golf, do anything but say something as hurtful as that.Because you are not just saying this about black girls, you are saying this to your great grandmother, your grandmother, your mother, your aunties, your sisters and other female relatives that I forgot to mention. 

Please close your mouth because you look ignorant and hateful towards your own damn race.

When Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, the Black Panthers and others were all fighting for equality and against segregation in America, it was these same 'proud', 'rude', 'aggressive' and 'humourless' black girls that stood and fought with them before other people joined in. Hell when Nelson Mandela was held in captivity for 27 years in his walk to freedom who do you think was holding down the forefront? A black girl. Shoutout to Winnie!!

(Anddddd now you're thinking, shit well that escalated quickly...) but I digress..there is more.

Hold your mouth because in every race there are strong, rude, aggressive and humourless girls who will pluck your balls and feed it to the dogs if you keep saying, trying or doing stupid shit.Hold your mouth because you look ignorant and ungrateful. You may not realise this but black girls are not just PROUD we are also PROUD of you. 

In a society that constantly tries to put us down, telling us that we are not good enough, being proud of ourselves is one of the greatest tools that we have. 

Hold your mouth or rather, delete that tweet which you are about to write on how unnecessary and overbearing "some black girls are". For every group  of black girls uniting like 'Melanin Twitter' or 'Melanin Tumblr' or 'Nubian Instagram' there is an opposite group stating how 'all this is that' and that 'it's not that deep'.

Hold your mouth because every movement  you may think is trivia, to us is actually a gradual walk to conquering our psychological marginalisation. 

Hold your mouth because right from your mother's womb to adulthood, we are the ones that will lift you up, cry for or even scream at you for every lose you take and for every mistake you make.

We do not care for your swagger, or your smoother than cheese on your bagel talks, or your 'big black cuckoroo' or for your DNA mixing with ours to get light-skinned babies because mainstream media tells us so (yes yes the last one is scientifically impossible but you get zee point). 

We care for your happiness, every time you win, we pop a bottle for you. We care for your pain, every time you face-palm because of the 'how big is your cockroach' question.We are right behind you, assuring you that that is not all you are.

We are here for every daddy or trust issue that you wish to untangle. 

We are here for every time you need to vent to someone who gets it too. 

We are here for every time the police shoots another young black man. 

We are here with our blogs typing away in your defence. 

We are out there in the streets with signposts shouting #BlackLivesMatter come rain or storm and the occasional sunshine. Whether we live in America or not. We are there. We are here for your depression that you never accept you have because "black boys don't get depressed". 

We are here for every time hyper masculinity calls your name and you decide to say no. 

We are here with our arms wide open when you just feel like crying because shit is hitting the fan. 

We are here in Britain, in America, in Africa, in the islands and everywhere else.So while we are always lifting you from the bullshit that you are constantly being showered with. 

Cheering for you while you race to the finish line without any privileges. 

Protecting you from the strains of white supremacy, please do return the favour. Because if you don't love, care for and look out for us first, who else will?

Xoxo -thetomorrowjoy.